At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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