I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
