glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
