i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
