told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
