i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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