there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Someone shattered a urinal.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
