He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
