There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
