Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
