Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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