i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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