A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
