Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
