Plan B is the new Plan A
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
