Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize