ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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