why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
