Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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