The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
