Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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