Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
