his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
