I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
