you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
