ADVERTISEMENT

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

  Fav 51 18370 1532

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And they lived happily ever after....

  Fav 22 1982 5497

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (419): View more from Ohio

  It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth

  Fav 56 7144 1751

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.

  Fav 13 1912 3940

  share tweet
  

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...

  Fav 8 4291 1177

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.

  Fav 8 1813 2978

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  and you succeeded.

  Fav 11 4752 1332

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music

  Fav 7 2660 1135

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.

  Fav 5 887 1716

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.

  Fav 1 757 657

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.

  Fav 0 98 5

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (845): View more from New York

  my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.

  Fav 0 51 30

  share tweet
  

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.

  Fav 0 44 10

  share tweet
  

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?

  Fav 0 96 26

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.

  Fav 0 26 31

  share tweet
  

Randomize