Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
