Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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