i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
