Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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