Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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