onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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