i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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