all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize