Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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