so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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