your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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