So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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