Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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