This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize