Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
