If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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