five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I see more hoeing in ur future
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