My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize