i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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