You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize