He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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