i think my tv is drunk
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
