Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
