you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
