My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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