It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm at about main and main street
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
