i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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