So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
