So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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