Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize