Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
