I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
