Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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