So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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