Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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