he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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