Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
