I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
