we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
