ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
