NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
