I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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