we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
