i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
