Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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